horny bois on the loose

[chaoticlootral]

[Or, rather, not so horny and not really on the loose at all, just crashing into a hotel room. Taako flops face down diagonally on the bed, so, deal with it Magnus.]

Comments

[ruffboi]

No, they won't! These clowns? They haven't managed a single kill yet without the victim getting their licks in. I'd kill any one of them, if they came for me.

[That's the part that kills him. If they came for him, if they came for him he could fight them off. He's strong. But the rules of this game are unfair. They can come for him by hurting other people. Or they can come for him and if he fails, if he makes one mistake, they can hurt Taako. He knows he wouldn't make that mistake, but he can't gamble with Taako's life.]

[chaoticlootral]

That isn't how this is gonna work - they aren't putting their best out first. It's only going to get worse from here, because they're going to get smarter, and better at this shit, and it doesn't fucking matter how fast you can swing an axe if they catch you while you're knocked out, or trap you, or fucking poison you. If they lock us in a building and set fire to it, or, I don't know, kill us a million other ways because they've got the resources to do that. We don't. We've got a fake gun full of Big Mac sauce and a dude who can, maybe, if we guess right, tell us who a Reaper is gonna be once a week.

[Taako's getting a little worked up, imagining the ten thousand different ways he could potentially die here, and he's not at all comforted by the fact that victims get licks in. They're still dead. It's not enough.]

This isn't designed to be a fair fight for us. The, uh, Dungeon Master ain't railroading the story so we win.

[ruffboi]

I've survived worse. I've survived worse shit and worse odds and worse people. Maybe they think they can come for me, but they can't. If it's me they come after, I'll live. It should be me they come after. It shouldn't be kids risking their lives, and all of this stupid game playing.

[Starting to get himself some angry tears going, so lighting(?) up the blunt instead, taking a drag of it.]

It's not that I don't respect where you're coming from. I totally respect that, for you. But it's not who I am.

[chaoticlootral]

You didn't survive. You died. We both did. A lot.

[Blandly. I mean, pointing out the obvious here. Not exactly immune to the angry tears though, which are contagious, and just his allergies to feelings acting up. Holding out his hand for the blunt back.]

I don't know what to tell you that I haven't already said. I'm not dying here. You're not allowed to die here either. I didn't fucking, uh, drag your soul outta of the cold icy grip of the Astral Plane so you get to throw it away again-- as a matter of fact, I think that act basically made me a stockholder in Burnsides Inc. and my vote counts big.

[ruffboi]

[Handing it back to him. A little mopey. Taako's not allowed to cry, it makes him feel like a heel.]

That was just payback for all the times you hit me with an area of effect spell. [But really, he knows that's the trump card in Taako's deck. Not because he owes him, but because it's a sharp reminder of all the ways Taako cares so much more than he likes to let on.] Your vote already counted big.

[chaoticlootral]

Spellshaping is for nerds.

[Wiping his face off on his sleeve, trying to pretend he's just tired. Taking a long drag before he flops totally backwards. He hasn't really used that line before - I mean, it's still fresh, really, but he had an inkling of how powerfully it could shut down an argument. It feels a little like cheating, but he doesn't really want to have to sit here and figure out a way to tell Magnus in yet another way he's scared that he's gonna do something reckless and die.]

I'm just saying, I don't give a shit if its just not in your nature and you [ugh] respect my bullshit. Your opinion doesn't matter anymore.

[ruffboi]

Okay.

[Kind of a small voice. That was sort of harsh, but in a way, maybe it's easier this way. His opinion doesn't matter, just Taako's. He can do that, probably.]

I can do that. I've been trying, Taako. Really.

[chaoticlootral]

I-- yeah, I know.

[Way harsh, Tai. He knows it and okay, well, that voice means that Magnus has been appropriately roasted and he doesn't really want to pile on anymore. He actually kind of fucking hates this? He wants Magnus to be able to Magnus without having to worry about anything to do with him. He likes Magnus' very Magnus-y traits, it's like having a big fleshy id that does all the shit you want to do and takes care of things. Offering him back the blunt.]

Junko, uh, thanked me, you know? [What the hell kinda segue is that.] I guess she was faking or whatever, I don't know. Didn't really know what the hell to do with that.

[ruffboi]

[Yeah, thanks. He needs another hit off that bad boy about now. Leaning over to plonk his head on Taako's, probably knocking off his hat. If Taako is going to be mean to him, he at least owes him physical affection.]

Don't ask me. She kept going on like that bear thing really broke her heart. But then she started villain monologuing at the end. So who knows what the fuck was even real, there.

Maybe we shoulda let her roast. Or chopped her down right there, and gotten ourselves a boon. When I saw her, I had the thought. I knew she just, had to be involved somehow, and anyone who'd do that fucking plan deserves to roast.

[chaoticlootral]

[This hat has been through so much and it's not like there's a bunch of WIZARD HATS for sale here Magnus. But fine, letting him, because he's starting to feel it now and he doesn't give so much of a crap about Magnus wanting to treat him like a useless stuffed bear that can't even choke people.]

Maybe! Maybe. I thought about it too. But-- [His face twists up in distaste. Taako is softer-hearted than he'd like to believe.] Just a shitty way to go. Besides, they'll, uh, finish the job tomorrow. [A little bit of a laugh? Dark, homie. Anyway, the real reason he brought that up:]

Thanks, or whatever.

[If a psychopath who sets herself on fire can scrounge up a thanks then it's not like. The WORST thing in the world to put one out there.]

[ruffboi]

[...Snorting with laughter.]

That's gotta be the shittiest thank you anyone's ever said. Sorry, but it's true. A villain monologuing psycho thanked me, she was probably lying, but anyway, same?

[chaoticlootral]

[Not at all shamed by this :)]

Fuck off! I tried. That's what counts. And you better, uh, write that one down for your tell-all book, because it's never happening again in your lifetime - which, uh, at this rate, might be another two weeks?

[ruffboi]

No point. Fantasy Oprah's gonna tear this chapter to shreds.

[That's okay. It feels better to laugh and make fun of each other than be serious about this shit all the time.]

Besides, don't thank me yet. I wasn't exactly being subtle. It just drives me fucking crazy. From the vote, everyone bought it was Junko, but no one wanted to stick their necks out and just say it.

[chaoticlootral]

Mm, okay I take it back then. Gratitude retracted.

[Also retracting his weed, thanks? Reaching over to grab that.]

There's this whole thing about, oooh, he loves puppies and wanted to die for Noctis, or boohoo she did nothing wrong and was almost burnt alive, that people are still falling for hook line and sinker. It has nothing to do with being a good person. Or being good at pretending to be a good person. Just because you think someone you've known for three weeks, uh, wouldn't ever possibly do something like this! Doesn't mean they aren't under the same microscope as everyone else. Being afraid to accuse someone because their, uh, friends might yell at you is some dumb shit.

[Pausing.]

Though if anyone accused me, you'd yell at them, right?

[ruffboi]

Of course I would! But not because I'd believe with all my heart you'd never do something like that.

[He hasn't exactly been subtle that he'll lie for Taako.]

If you were a Reaper, I'd still help you. I mean, I know you're not. Just saying. But yeah. I don't get how anyone can know someone for three weeks and just know.

[chaoticlootral]

To be entirely fair to me, I'd just tell you if I had knocked someone off. I expect you'd do the same.

[Blowing smoke out, giving Magnus a weird look.]

You're not a Reaper right?

[ruffboi]

No, dongus. I got the hint pin, you saw my entry fee. Also, if I was a Reaper, I would've killed someone week one. But yeah, I'd tell you if I did the murder. Unless it's against the rules? In which case, I'd just say, "I didn't do the murder, wink!" and wink at you really hard.

[chaoticlootral]

Whatever, dingus, just checking. You never know. Rest of these fools could be lying to get close to us. Think they’ve got a crush on me, want me to join their little weird kink circle.

[ruffboi]

Yeah. I trust Monika, though not 'I've known her three weeks and she'd never do something like this' trust. Those other dipshits, I dunno. When we got a maybe on Ranpo being a reaper, I was about to punch that guy in his douchebag face.

But I'm glad they trust us.

[chaoticlootral]

I’m not, where the hell did this, uh, reputation of me being trustworthy and commited come from? It’s disturbing.

[ruffboi]

They think we're good at solving mysteries! Which we aren't! But now we get extra clues to help.

[chaoticlootral]

Yeah, we're dumb as shit, I don't get it.

[Looking at the joint, and also simultaneously inspecting his nails. One is broken :/]

Probably shouldn't be trusting this grass, to be honest. Right from management.

[ruffboi]

It's not the weed's fault.

[Holding his hand out to him for it.]

Think they're selling it to us to keep us docile?

[chaoticlootral]

[Less generous now that the ruff stuff has passed, selfishly keeping it. Magnus is gonna have to ask, deal with it.]

Yes, because we're, uh, definitely the most docile and collected dudes in the whole gang! We don't get into spats nearly every day over some dumb bullshit with anyone else! That plan's definitely working! What a fuckin' shitshow.

[ruffboi]

Taako. Come on. [Waggling his fingers at him.]

I kinda think they don't have any plans.