[He listens to Taako starting to sniffle, getting angry with himself, and he can't. His whole chest clenches at once. Not Taako, he doesn't want to be the one to make Taako cry.
So he just blurts it out, like a confession, vulnerable.]
You're the strongest person I've ever known. I'm weak. All I have is being the biggest guy in the room until I'm not, and then I've got nothing. And it kills me every time I'm confronted with that.
I just want to protect you. I just want to protect everything I care about. But I'm not strong enough, and it fucking kills me, and it makes me want to do anything, no matter what it is, so I never have to live with that.
Shut up! Shut the fuck up! You stupid— You fucking dumb asshole!
[Taako practically growls at him, but the nasty, poisonous sound is kind of undercut by how watery he sounds, shoving his sleeve across his nose and holding his arms out so Magnus stops fucking pacing and just gets over here?]
You protect me all the time, don’t start with that shit. I was going to let you do it, because I fucking trust you, and I’d have just broken this place in half and fixed it anyway. Okay? So shut the fuck up. You aren’t weak. The reason no one wants to vote for your ass is they love you, they need you too, because you’re not even a very good tank when you’re full of bullet holes, but they still seem to like talking to you. You helped us get here. It’s not like I would have figured out anything on my own? Don’t ask me to repeat that, because it’s my credit, but obviously I needed you. And I still need you, so you can’t go doing this breakdown thing on me.
[Taako. How do you manage to be so mean when you're breaking his heart.
Fine, fine. Going to sit with him, granting Taako his stupid soggy hug. Because he is going to cry at that, just a little, even though he knows Taako will hate that. Who cares - it was also very sweet.]
I'm not. Not doing a breakdown thing. Just wanted you to know I know why I'm such a fucking dumb asshole about this stuff.
[He thinks it might be better, if Kara walks out of there tomorrow. And, well. It's been one of them every week, hasn't it been?
But at trial, the fear was a tie - the fear was more than one person dying. If it's just one or the other, he owes it to Taako to try harder. He owes it to Taako not to put his own feelings first, even though there's that little bit of fear. What if he makes these promises and he still loses? It's easier to face being seen as someone who would sacrifice themselves than to be seen as someone who isn't strong enough. He wants all of the people he cares about to think he's too strong to be beaten back.]
I promise, but the flip side is. If I do lose - and fuck if I'm gonna lose to that guy, but if I do. You have to make sure nobody comes after him. And you have to try not to pick a fight.
There’s things you can’t promise, and there’s things I can’t promise. I can say I’ll make sure no one goes after him, even though I’m pretty sure all of us are on convinced on the stupid revenge front, but— I’m going to pick a fight. You can’t tell me not to hate him.
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chaoticlootral) wrote2020-06-06 03:46 pm
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[He's allowed to hate him, though. That's very fair.]
I said all those things, and then I Magnused it up, huh?
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[Taako . . . sniffles? What the fuck are you doing to him Magnus.]
And I just went along with it. Because I’m fucking weak.
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[He listens to Taako starting to sniffle, getting angry with himself, and he can't. His whole chest clenches at once. Not Taako, he doesn't want to be the one to make Taako cry.
So he just blurts it out, like a confession, vulnerable.]
You're the strongest person I've ever known. I'm weak. All I have is being the biggest guy in the room until I'm not, and then I've got nothing. And it kills me every time I'm confronted with that.
I just want to protect you. I just want to protect everything I care about. But I'm not strong enough, and it fucking kills me, and it makes me want to do anything, no matter what it is, so I never have to live with that.
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[Taako practically growls at him, but the nasty, poisonous sound is kind of undercut by how watery he sounds, shoving his sleeve across his nose and holding his arms out so Magnus stops fucking pacing and just gets over here?]
You protect me all the time, don’t start with that shit. I was going to let you do it, because I fucking trust you, and I’d have just broken this place in half and fixed it anyway. Okay? So shut the fuck up. You aren’t weak. The reason no one wants to vote for your ass is they love you, they need you too, because you’re not even a very good tank when you’re full of bullet holes, but they still seem to like talking to you. You helped us get here. It’s not like I would have figured out anything on my own? Don’t ask me to repeat that, because it’s my credit, but obviously I needed you. And I still need you, so you can’t go doing this breakdown thing on me.
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Fine, fine. Going to sit with him, granting Taako his stupid soggy hug. Because he is going to cry at that, just a little, even though he knows Taako will hate that. Who cares - it was also very sweet.]
I'm not. Not doing a breakdown thing. Just wanted you to know I know why I'm such a fucking dumb asshole about this stuff.
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Well, you’re gonna have to live with it, because apparently I’m not letting you just wriggle out of it.
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I don't think we can go through that another time. Fuck.
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[He’s not ready to be that hopeful, yet.]
Um, listen. I don’t know how this place picks people, but— if it’s you, you’ll fight as hard as you can. No giving up. No running away.
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[He thinks it might be better, if Kara walks out of there tomorrow. And, well. It's been one of them every week, hasn't it been?
But at trial, the fear was a tie - the fear was more than one person dying. If it's just one or the other, he owes it to Taako to try harder. He owes it to Taako not to put his own feelings first, even though there's that little bit of fear. What if he makes these promises and he still loses? It's easier to face being seen as someone who would sacrifice themselves than to be seen as someone who isn't strong enough. He wants all of the people he cares about to think he's too strong to be beaten back.]
I promise, but the flip side is. If I do lose - and fuck if I'm gonna lose to that guy, but if I do. You have to make sure nobody comes after him. And you have to try not to pick a fight.
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There’s things you can’t promise, and there’s things I can’t promise. I can say I’ll make sure no one goes after him, even though I’m pretty sure all of us are on convinced on the stupid revenge front, but— I’m going to pick a fight. You can’t tell me not to hate him.
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