[Because honestly, the number one thing he wants to do right now is just talk to Taako. Find out what he's been dealing with secretly. Share the things he's been dealing with secretly. But they can't, even though they both know enough to guess at some of it.]
Well, I've never woken up in the middle of the night here before. I know I kept saying we had to have plans just in case, but I never meant any of that as anything besides being prepared.
Yeah, tell me about it! Because at least with the static you can try charades instead of this . . . tea leaf reading bullshit.
[His feet shuffle more, hands twisting into one another.]
It’s funny. When I got here, someone said to me - that of all people, I’d understand why we had to win the most of anyone. But . . . I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about winning, I don’t care about teams, and the more people try and make me care, I— I fucking hate them for it.
[He reaches over, then, and touches him on the shoulder. Intentional - he wants to know, if they can't speak openly, at least what he's feeling.
Magnus, for his part, feels - well, the predominant feeling is worry. There's a lot of something that feels like guilt or like doubt. And a buzz of frustration and anger, but a lot of that feeling has been clamped down.]
No, fuck teams. We have to survive, right? That's what it's about. But if you, uh, wanted to join me over on Winter and get away from all of that. . .
[And actually, I'll just add this tidbit. When Magnus says 'we have to survive' Taako will feel some of the worry ebb, replaced by heavy determination. Magnus really does mean that.]
[He won’t touch him for very long - Taako’s practically flinging himself sideways to get away from it. It won’t work well enough though. Magnus is going to get hit with a wave of almost nauseating anxiety, restlessness, a lingering bit of fear. It’s fine! It’s fine.]
[ Sighing out. scooting down a bit to get more comfortable. ]
Hey, I— don’t care what you’ve had to do or anything. I was telling Lili earlier this week, it’s, um. Total bullshit. Everyone gets to go to sleep Thursday nights and wake up Friday all righteously angry that someone’s dead, then not caring that someone had to do that. So we all don’t die. It’s not fair. To get to pretend to be so morally above it all.
[He sighs, but he says it with confidence? Maybe that's not what he feels guilty about?]
I don't care what you've had to do, either. Never would. Might not wanna have conversations with Lili and other people about it, though.
I think it's okay, that some people don't understand that. I don't really care if some folks need to think they're only sending bad people to die to keep sleeping at night.
[He smiles a little. His tone is - fond? Not surprised by the declaration, but kind of touched all the same.]
I'm not exactly gonna let them, either, I hope. But if they make up their minds about it, just. [Choosing his words carefully.] You shouldn't be making enemies.
[Awkward, because, don’t call him out on it!!! The fact that he’s managed to say it outloud is maybe a bit of a surprise, but certainly the ferocity of his protectiveness isn’t. He just shakes his head, hands tightening in his braid.]
I don’t give a single shit if any of them like me or not.
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chaoticlootral) wrote2020-06-06 03:46 pm
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[Sighing out, reaching over— about to pat him on the shoulder before he remembers emotion sharing, then doesn’t.]
Don’t I fuckin’ know it.
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[Because honestly, the number one thing he wants to do right now is just talk to Taako. Find out what he's been dealing with secretly. Share the things he's been dealing with secretly. But they can't, even though they both know enough to guess at some of it.]
Well, I've never woken up in the middle of the night here before. I know I kept saying we had to have plans just in case, but I never meant any of that as anything besides being prepared.
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[His feet shuffle more, hands twisting into one another.]
It’s funny. When I got here, someone said to me - that of all people, I’d understand why we had to win the most of anyone. But . . . I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about winning, I don’t care about teams, and the more people try and make me care, I— I fucking hate them for it.
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[He reaches over, then, and touches him on the shoulder. Intentional - he wants to know, if they can't speak openly, at least what he's feeling.
Magnus, for his part, feels - well, the predominant feeling is worry. There's a lot of something that feels like guilt or like doubt. And a buzz of frustration and anger, but a lot of that feeling has been clamped down.]
No, fuck teams. We have to survive, right? That's what it's about. But if you, uh, wanted to join me over on Winter and get away from all of that. . .
[And actually, I'll just add this tidbit. When Magnus says 'we have to survive' Taako will feel some of the worry ebb, replaced by heavy determination. Magnus really does mean that.]
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Don’t— Don’t do that.
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[He does feel badly when Taako reacts.]
I won't. I just thought - I want to know what's going on with you.
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As always, that remains a mystery for now.
[ Sighing out. scooting down a bit to get more comfortable. ]
Hey, I— don’t care what you’ve had to do or anything. I was telling Lili earlier this week, it’s, um. Total bullshit. Everyone gets to go to sleep Thursday nights and wake up Friday all righteously angry that someone’s dead, then not caring that someone had to do that. So we all don’t die. It’s not fair. To get to pretend to be so morally above it all.
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[He sighs, but he says it with confidence? Maybe that's not what he feels guilty about?]
I don't care what you've had to do, either. Never would. Might not wanna have conversations with Lili and other people about it, though.
I think it's okay, that some people don't understand that. I don't really care if some folks need to think they're only sending bad people to die to keep sleeping at night.
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[Apparently, he doesn’t think Lili would accuse him of anything. Unassuming silhouette that he is.]
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True. If they keep writing off anybody they like, they’re gonna keep screwing it up. [Haha. But. Does that really apply to him?]
I’ve been, uh, pretty vocal about being willing.
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[He smiles a little. His tone is - fond? Not surprised by the declaration, but kind of touched all the same.]
I'm not exactly gonna let them, either, I hope. But if they make up their minds about it, just. [Choosing his words carefully.] You shouldn't be making enemies.
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I don’t give a single shit if any of them like me or not.
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[It definitely isn't a surprise, how far Taako will go for the people he's devoted to, but being on the receiving end of it is still overwhelming.]
If something happens to me, you gotta win the long game. Make it to the end.
[Though he also knows Taako does give a shit whether they like him - maybe just not enough to stop him from burning bridges.]
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[He sucks in a breath and pinches the bridge of his nose.]
And I don’t know that I can anyway. Things just keep escalating.
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[Um. His expression sharpens a little.]
Yeah? You in danger from somebody?
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[Hmm.]
I don't know shit, Taako. I really don't. All I know is - [Well.] That I'm here. Couldn't tell you what for.
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Right. Okay. [ . . . ] You talk with Winter Witch a lot? You seen her face?
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[I just didn't tag with Winter Witch yet this week for reasons god.]
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Yeah. Know, I know that much. And I know they don't exactly have control of the situation or know how to stop it.
But it sounds like you know something else - why things are getting worse.
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Um, how about this— Do you think everyone is just scared of dying at the end of the week and all just acting on their own to fix that?
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